GYO: gay older men and younger men together.
2011.06.20 15:32 headShrinker GYO: gay older men and younger men together.
GYO is about gay older men and younger men together. It's about sex and love in intergenerational relationships.
2020.05.31 07:54 Nataneh "You will like it eventually, you just need to find the right guy." - says family members. How can I make them take me seriously?
Im a 22f, north of europe. .
To summarize what im asking if u dont wanna read my blabber: I get men who want to date me, this is not something i struggle with. However i do not want a relationship most men want... How do i convince them, and others that sex is not of interest to me? They always seem to think they can change me, and if not that that i will eventually change. Then i feel bad because I don't give them something they seem to need. Because i do tell them from the start that im axesual.. but i dont get believed by them, nor my family no matter how i say it.
Ive been struggeling with this for a while now. The fact that i do not care for sex and it having been something ive never cared for. Only finding the word that fit such a description when I was 19 (2017) im now 22. When ive tried explaining how I don't care for it to older family members or people who arent my generation.. They just say that i will get kids eventually and that i will find that guy i will like it with.
Lets be clear i have had boyfriends and that before, and ive done it 5 years ago. it has nothing to do with me having done it either. i just did it because i felt obligated to, and it made him happy so why not. but its really really something id rather avoid...
I suppose the advice im looking for with this is what to do about the fact that i dont have those feelings. Especially when it comes to dating, because id like to date but i dont like the expection of sex. even if i tell the person that likes me and i like them (ive meet them elsewhere not datingsite). A lot of them seem to accept that i dont care for sex at the start, then slowly get impatient.
Everyone seemes to think this is a phase! but how can it be if its been like this since i can remember?? and im 22 now. i wasnt even really properly aware before i was 19!! that sex was something that everyone craved all the time and that it was needed a lot and often in relationships.
Note: I do not care much for food, alcohol, drugs or any of that stuff either. The only diagnosis i have is adhd with hyperactivity diagnosed a bit less than a year ago. idk if its relevant but yeah. i just thought that it might be a bit weird/strange i dont enjoy stuff other people enjoy. Even though im happy as a person, and would consider myself for the most part positive.
How do i explain to others that how i view things especially regarding sexuality is not the same as others? and how do i make them understand i do not want sex?
And how do i respond to peoples comments of; wow, you dont enjoy sex, food or alcohol? how miserable is that. (a 50 year old woman commented this to me). I simply said that im happy without. but something i want is a partner!! that doesnt pressure me. i know that i babbled a lot in the text.. but yeah im just getting frustrated
submitted by Nataneh
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2020.02.15 10:53 2MOCHI4H8 there is hope!
I was on this datingsite for a while, but no one really seemed like my type or was too far away. But around 10 pm I started getting into a conversatiom with this guy and we have so much in common, you wouldn't believe it!
We kept talking through out the night and told each other we had taken interest in each other. Around 3.30 pm we were so close I asked him to marry me and he said yes X3.
We went to sleep around 5 pm or so.
we are weebs like horror and gore cosplay similar music taste♡ we game from time to time artistic love south park have gone through major depression had a toxic ex draw/ design love memes are night owls and have the same humor >▪<
guys I think I'm in love ♡▪♡ there is hope!!!
submitted by 2MOCHI4H8
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2020.02.10 23:26 tributingrn Mixed signals? [18M]
I friended this pretty cute girl a while back on a datingsite, we have been talking over snap for a little while now, and when we were about to meet up last week she cancelled last second, also when we were about to call she freaked out last second and said she wanted to wait a little while longer? So id say she isnt interested? But she does send some flirty text messages and pictures so im kinda getting mixed signals about this, we have talked about her being pretty shy, how would i get to know her better through snap cause i have no idea
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2019.11.20 16:33 sjtimmer7 Hate and resentment towards my mother is eating me away from within(this will tke a while, if you need to go pee, go now)
I live in The Netherlands, so not everything is something you recognise, because I'm no American. Also, it's because my family is... well, I hate to start this with a curse.
My mom, born in '59, younger twinsister, grew up in a Reformatoric family. In the church she went to with the family, there was actually a plate by the entrance that read: Women are requested to wear a hat. She married my dad when she was about 25, and I was born when she was 34. My brother was born roughly 5 years later. She was always protective of me, and later my brother, which is shown by the fact that she still went to school with us at an age where kids who lived farther away went on their own. Also, most of the deaths on her side of the family died of some form of cancer. She use to have a little sister in a wheelchair, who died young of leukemia. Her father died roughly a month after my first birthday, lungcancer(at this point she got medication for her fears, mainly fear to be left by everyone, because everyone just died out). Her mom died in 2013, cured from breastcancer, but then they found it had spread to her liver. Her uncle, husband to her mothers sister, died of leukemia.
When I was about 10 years old, I was diagosed with autism, PDD-NOS. Later on this was changed to Syndrom of Asperger(about a decade later). My mother was quite strict, and everytime I did something wrong, she deducted from my time I was allowed behind my computer. At some point i just went on shouting and cursing, because we ran out of computertime. And that's where the resentment started. When I was 12, and done with primary school, I went to a Reformatoric school, where they had a special class within the normal structure of classes in the school. I started my day there, and ended my day there, I ate there, and visited this classroom when we had a break. The idea was to spend as much time as possible in the regular class, and if something went wrong, the mentor of the other class jumped in to arrange something. We also made the tests in that classroom, so we could concentrate. My mom has done a lot to get me the indication, the bag of money needed to have that extra bit of help. And since my baptist names are Samuël Johannes(Prayed from God and that dude that was born with 90 year old parents, the one who preached in the desert, and got his head cut of as a birthdaypresent to the daughter of Herodes), I was her most precious thing in this world.
At some point my puberty kicked in, and my brother was causing problems, cause he wanted attention, and was always teasing and doing whatever. This was when I was 14, and it didn't stop until I was almost 18, and I was placed in a youthhostel like thing. A commune for young people who could no longer live at home. Between those years, fights broke out in our house. Arguments and rows almost everyday, sometimes several times a day, and usually when all 4 of us were home. We went to the organisation that gave me my diagnose, and in one of the first conversations my dad said we were there, because the loveplant between him and my mom was dead. My mom said it was because my brother was becoming more violent, my brother said he didn't know, and I said that we were 4 hotheads in a small house who did nothing but argue. At this point we got help. I went to a family about once a month for a weekend, my mom went to a resort to calm down for 3 weeks, and at some point someone of a mental healthcare organisation dropped by for an hour every 3 weeks to talk about what went on, and what we should change. At this point my father started to listen, and became more understanding of his autistic kid, le moi. My brother talked me into putting solid soap(in some sandform, ment to be used for laundry), in the poor womans coat pocket, and I had regular conversations with the woman in my room. My behaviour did not get much better, and my mom went off the rails a bit. More fights with her and my brother, because he pulled the plug on the main computer when it was my turn, so I hit him everytime he did it. And my mom became less understanding of me. Big time.
There were times she said stuff like "Je hebt helemaal geen autisme, je bent gewoon eigenwijs!", which translates to: "You don't have autism, you're just sticking to what you want". Also, there was the time she said: "Stomme autist! Lul!", which is basically the Dutch word for stupid, the name you call someone with autism, like we are all the same, and then the Dutch version of the word dick. As in the word penis, but used in namecalling. Meanwhile, the relationship between my mom and dad had reached the point of return, or actually abandon ship, but they had said to stay together "because of the kids". i had made a bet with my brother when I was about 15, saying: "i bet you €50,- they get divorced by the time it's summer." I was off by 3 years, but luckily my brother had forgotten we had made a bet. My mom had started dating via datingsites, mostly Christian, mostly just talking to people, but I was thinking a Dutch variation of "Are you yanking my pizzle?" We even went to a concert where one of the guys she had met on a site, was part of the choir. One day, we were watching a movie, my dad was(already) home, and my mom commented on a guy in the movie she thought was attractive or something, or was her type. When I asked her about "that man", pointing to my dad, she said: "that's not my man!" Man can be the synonim of husband in this context.
Jumping to one of the most painful moments in the last year I lived at home: I had a fight with my mom, downstairs, and at some point, she ran upstairs, got a mop(not the one with dreadlocks, but the one where you need to put the cloth around a frame), ran downstairs, and charged at me with the mopping part ahead. I managed to wrestle it out of her control, and started stabbing her with it. I don't know how this ended, but in our household, only my brother and my dad have goten an injury: both a black eye. My brother has fallen down the stairs twice, i don't know how, but not during a fight between anyone, and my dad was installing a dishwasher when he got his. he was drilling a hole for the pipe, the drillpart got loose, and that's what I wrote about in primary school when we had to write a report about our Christmas holiday. Another incident was a fight upstairs. With my mom. We were yelling at eachother, I pushed her, and sunndenly she was yelling "Help, I'm being raped, he's sexually assaulting me, help!" Sexual assault is one word in Dutch, so that's why it sounds a bit stiff and long.
My problem with my mom is that I hate her for all those bad things she did and said, to me and to others. Like my dad. Last year, i realised I was the real life Charlie Harper, except I'm a virgin, I don't drink or do drugs, and I don't have a lot of money. I hate my mom, call her Satan, or start throwing with a family disease and the oldest profession in the history of the world, and stick the word narcissistic in front of it all. I haven't spoken to her in years. My brother is the Alan Harper. Still sees my mom, probably wants to be respected, and has tried to seek attention in the past by pulling the computerplug. My mom meanwhile, has emasculated my dad for the latter part of their marriage, doesn't give much of a rats behind about people's opinions about her, and it seems I have become like her. And i don't know if this is autism, genetics from my mom, or being raised by said Satan.
All I know is that I don't want to become like the person I hate, my mom, and I don't to live with hate, because it keeps me away from living my life. So... what do I need, both in people around me and personal discipline?
submitted by sjtimmer7
to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2019.11.01 13:33 asianbride_me Takeko is sexy vampire on Halloween this year.. vampire 🧛♀ ⠀ Are you dressing tonight for the party? YES or NO?
2019.06.09 23:05 canbelboy Introduction - Slow gains
Written in April 2019
This is my last resort. This whole thing, this married red pill stuff will make or break me, one way or the other.
I’m exhausted, frustrated, angry.
This is my first post on here, although I have been reading a lot. I started lifting about 4 months ago. It’s a long read, so you fuckers might need a chair to sit this one out.
I am a 43y old man in a LTR with a 46 y old woman. We’ve been together for 23 years. We have two beautiful daughters (10 and 12). I met my wife at university when I was 20, she was a few years older and doing a post-grad. We fell in love and have been a couple ever since. I had sex with 2 other girls before I met my wife. She had the same number: two guys.
Most of the men on MRP went through the same scenario: hot and plenty of sex in the beginning, then gradually decreasing to (virtually) zero. My timeline is somewhat different. Sex has always been an issue in our relationship. It took 2 years before we had normal sex (P in V). Before that, it was hand jobs, some oral or climaxing on her tits or ass. Every attempt to normal intercourse was painful for her. She went to see a doctor but he couldn’t find anything abnormal. We talked a lot about it, I didn’t want to push or rush her. She felt bad about it, so I kept silent and hoped it would become better. It did, just when I was about to hit the road and break up with her (now I realize she must have felt something was off). From that moment on, the sex was relatively okay: plain, vanilla sex about 4 times a month. She never let me cum on her face or in her mouth. Anal was a big no-no. I never insisted to increase the frequency. Partly because I didn’t know better, I was blue pill, and I was in love with that girl and everything went well, apart from the sex.
We traveled a lot, we both had a career, great social life, we had friends, hobbies, a life... Around 2005, we decided we wanted kids. The sex became more intense, more frequent. Only two months after she stopped taking the pill, she was pregnant. During her pregnancy and many months after giving birth, sex went off the table. Two years later, when the second kid was born, same scenario.
Since daughter #2 (2008), sex has never been the same. Being intimate became a struggle. She was never into it anymore. I’ve heard every single excuse in the book: too cold, too hot, need a shower, just showered, feeling sick, ate too much, headache, kids are still awake, kids are asleep, tired, work to do, must watch show on tv , etc. Some months, we would still have sex 4 times, but only after I really insisted. Sometimes, we’d only have sex twice a month. It became very functional intercourse (duty/starfish sex, as I learned on here).
In 2012, she decided unilaterally she would stop taking the pill. She suggested I could get myself a vasectomy. I was not willing to do that at that time. Blue-Pill-me never argued and started using condoms or I just pulled out and came on her belly/tits. I hate condoms so I stopped using them and just pulled out every time. Risky business, I would say, but frequency had dropped to about 3 times per month, so who cares, right? While typing this, I now realize it’s been almost 7 years since I came inside my wife!
Now, my wife was very happy with this situation. She couldn’t/can’t care less about sex, she literally told me a few times that she could live her life without having sex ever again without a problem.
Not so much for me, it became a real problem. I became resentful, frustrated, angry.
I tried every option in the book to change our situation:
I tried to talk logic with her: “Sex is part of a healthy relationship.”. Nothing changed.
I tried choreplay. The house was spic&span, hoping that I would be granted acces to her pussy. Nothing changed.
After years, that didn't seem to work, so I drew the opposite card and acted extremely butthurt when denied. I would give her the silent treatment for days, neglecting the house and even my kids, thinking that would show her the way. Nothing changed.
I was blue pill, for sure, but not all the way. I am controlling finances in our house, I have a relatively visible media job in my state and I do have some limited “star power”. I make 100k/year, I have a private pilot license. My kids come to me first to ask permission for something, I run the house like a tight ship and even my wife seeks advice for things. But in relationship stuff, including sex, I am blue pill and afraid to confront her.
In all honesty, she is a good mother for our daughters and not a bad woman. I read all these horror stories on MRP about nagging, lunatic and loose-canon spouses. That’s not my situation. Shit-testing is minimal, she’s good looking, in good shape and of sound mind … but the sex sucks.
Anyway, in 2015, we endured a very long dryspell (months without any action). At one point, I just snapped and couldn't take it anymore. On a lonely night, when she went upstairs to sleep at 9 pm and left me all alone and horny downstairs, I opened an account on datingsite POF.
I never had any real street game (I never cold approached a girl), but my online game was pretty good. Within a week, I was close with 3 ladies. I met up in real life with a HB7. Married, mid-thirties, in a dead bedroom situation. Eager to be fucked. So yes, I had an affair. Was that my best move ever? No, but it was all too much and I needed relief.
That fling opened a new world to me. For the first time in 19 years, I slept with another woman, and that was an eye opener. It felt so extremely good to be with a woman that was actually enjoying sex, how cool was that? She sucked me in a way I was never sucked before. She let me fuck her how I wanted. She let me cum wherever I wanted. I felt revived, what a joy!
My ‘plate situation‘ lasted a few months, until … until my wife found out. She found some messages on my phone from the HB7 chick and I confessed. Or actually, I partly confessed: I said we kissed and fooled around, I never admitted we had sex, there was no proof anyway. Whether she believes that, that’s unclear. We talked and we talked and we talked. I said I was unhappy because of the lack of intimacy, she was mad but said she understood and partly took the blame. After that shitstorm passed, the sex actually picked up again. But old habits returned and frequency dropped to about 3x/month starfish sex again. So I’ve gone through all the scenario’s again: choreplay, passive aggressive, logic … I even showed her articles stressing the importance of sex in a relationship, I kept a score card, I was extremely nice, or extremely rude: to no avail. The sex was/is pathetic.
Fast forward to end of December 2018: it’s been a month without sex, and I am to blame for that as well, because after so many rejections and NO’s, I just stopped initiating. For the first time in 2 decades, I was really contemplating of leaving her. I was ready to have “the final talk” with her... Then, on a dark winters night, I discover married red pill.
It was as if suddenly someone turned on the light in the dark room I have been walking in for more than 20 years. All of a sudden, I could see the objects in that room. And I finally understood how to not run into them. Inexplicable or seemingly random events from the past all made sense now.
I'll give you a few examples to make my point:
- After she found out about my affair, the first week was all drama. Silent treatment, tears, anger, resentment; the full package. But in week #2, however, she all of a sudden became very sexual. She initiated sex twice that week (something she hadn't done in years). Out of the blue, things were possible that she never allowed before. I was flabbergasted and it didn't make sense to me AT ALL at that time, until I discovered MRP recently. She must have realized she needed to up her ‘girl game’ because she saw I had options.
- Another example. As mentioned, my wife would agree to the deed on average only once or twice a month on - what looked to me - random dates. Thanks to my scorecard and a 'period calculator' I can now see that those sex days were on days she ovulated.
I slowly started implementing MRP in January. I read through MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Pook, Way of Superior Male. Other books will be read soon. I started lifting, and slowly but steadily building muscles (I was skinny fat: 5’11” and 150 lbs). Showing more leadership in my house (be the oak), seeing old and lost friends again, started initiating with her again. All hard NO’s by the way, no sex for me so far.
One of the first things I did after my disovery of MRP was getting that vasectomy. 'Control the birth'. If it wasn't for my current LTR, I would be abe to fuck other women without risk if the need should arise.
In February, my wife developped a full blown hernia and she couldn’t leave the house for days. Recovery has been slow since that day. She had a lot of pain for weeks. It’s only since the end of March that she’s off pain killers and able to function normally again. This slowed down the MRP process for me somehow. Of course, I kept working on myself in the background while assisting her in her recovery to the best of my abilities. But I stopped initiating . Her pain was real, I could see her suffer and I completely understand she – physically - couldn’t have sex.
She’s much better since April and I have been slowly initiating again, but still all NO’s. I tried to talk her into hand jobs or BJs (no back effort required, right?) but been gettin hard NOs. She says she’s not feeling it right now because of her condition. I am willing to go along with that and don’t want to be an asshole, but I am afraid that her medical condition will now be the standard excuse for not fucking me.
Anyway, that’s where I am right now. No sex since early december and slowly adding MRP into my life. That’s enough for the introduction. I’ll follow up from now on in OYS and keep you posted about my progress...
Thanks for reading, good luck to you all.
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2019.05.05 09:59 throwaway_threesome2 [M26] First MMF threesome did not end well
We met each other on an online datingsite, the other guy [M27] reached out to me because he was chatting with a girl [F22] who wanted to try a MMF threesome. I just came out of a 5 year relationship and am very curious about trying out new stuff, also a bit bi-curious. The other guy was bi and had experience with both genders. So yesterday we all met each other on a neutral place, chatted for a while and then went to the girls apartment. We continued to talk for a while and slowly started touching each other and kissing. There was no contact between me and the other guy, just both of us alternately kissing her and getting both her and our clothes off. The next half an hour we were pleasuring her with our hands and tongues while she was jerking us from time to time. At this point I realised that my dick always went soft when her attention went from me to him. Strangely i couldn't even enjoy watching them fool around. I only could get hard, when i had the full attention of the girl. At one point they started fucking and i couldn't get an erection. All the time the girl was trying to involve me in the action by kissing, stroking and also sucking me for a while, but sadly i couldn't get hard again. After some time i went to the balcony to smoke a cigarette and collect myself. After i finished, I went in again (they stopped fucking and waited for me) and i told them that I am sorry but that this constellation does not work out for me. They both were very chilled about it and even offered me to just stay a bit so we could cook something together and just talk but at that point I already felt like the third wheel and left them both alone. So yeah that was my first MMF threesome. Even if the sex did not work out for me, I am still happy that I had made this experience, because I learned something about myself and my sexuality. In my fantasies I was curious about fooling around with a guy, maybe just stroke him a little. But in reality i wasn't interested in it at any point of the meeting.
TLDR: First threesome with 2 totally strangers, only could get hard if I had the full attention of the girl. Not longer bi-curious.
submitted by throwaway_threesome2
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2019.02.10 16:38 BoneTigerSC friends signed me up for a datingsite and porn film without consent [EU]
so i got into a fight with friends a while ago and yesterday i got by them contacted that they signed me up for a porn film so i went into my email where i found an email from said porn site. i immidiately sent an email back and called upon the GDPR since its a dutch company and im a dutch citizen to erase my data and blacklist my email from being used on said site in the future since i was signed up without my consent citing the GDPR and stating my source while providing a link to the GDPR and site i used.
after this i find out that in my spam filter there are emails from a british company which runs a russian and ukranian dating site. i once again state that i was signed up by "friends" without consent and call upon the GDPR to delete all associated data and blacklist the email from future use.
mind you they got the date of birth and my name wrong (date of birth by about 3 years) which should be a clear giveaway that i didnt sign myself up, the "friends" also used a phone number which isnt mine but from another close friend of me whose number they used without his consent.
the question is what should i do now, i cant afford to go to court over this since i still am trying to find work and a place to live for myself. i havent heard back from the companies yet as of writing this post but the tone in my email gave away that i was not pleased at all and generally pissed off at the situation https://eugdpr.org/the-regulation/
this is the source i used/provided with the cited parts being the ones about consent:
The conditions for consent have been strengthened, and companies are no longer able to use long illegible terms and conditions full of legalese. The request for consent must be given in an intelligible and easily accessible form, with the purpose for data processing attached to that consent. Consent must be clear and distinguishable from other matters and provided in an intelligible and easily accessible form, using clear and plain language. It must be as easy to withdraw consent as it is to give it.
the last part is the important part of that
*It must be as easy to withdraw consent as it is to give it.*
and right to be forgotten: Right to be Forgotten
Also known as Data Erasure, the right to be forgotten entitles the data subject to have the data controller erase his/her personal data, cease further dissemination of the data, and potentially have third parties halt processing of the data. The conditions for erasure, as outlined in article 17, include the data no longer being relevant to original purposes for processing, or a data subject withdrawing consent. It should also be noted that this right requires controllers to compare the subjects’ rights to “the public interest in the availability of the data” when considering such requests.
TL;DR:got signed up by "friends" for porn film and datingsite, already called for erasure of data and blacklisting of email in compliance with GDPR (both me and the companies are from the european union and thus they have to adhere to the GDPR) havent heard back yet but i do not know what more action to take.
my question here is: if i were to press legal charges how likely will my case succeed according to dutch/eu law and is there any less drastic (and better) option i could take
edit: apparently the english company doesnt even have an email for replying https://i.imgur.com/kg5Ne21.png
, or atleast its not found https://i.imgur.com/WbRTxMs.png
here is the email from the dutch company i got when they signed me up
update, i cut ALL ties i had with them on every platform possible
update, they also signed up another guy, apparently im an idiot and didnt read the context. fixing that mistake before i get called out and not dropping any names, https://i.imgur.com/rRhYZS0.png
update, updating in my lunch break, just got an email from the porn site and the issue is currently being resolved, i sent them all the info i have regarding the incident and apologized for how furious my reaction was
update: thanks to the kind employees of the porn site in question this situation is getting resolved quicker than i couldve hoped, they would delete all data regarding this incident and actually tried to help me resolve this and apologized for the inconvenience
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2018.11.15 13:08 PracticalKoala I [28M] am trying to leave nine years of RP beliefs behind
I was raised in a traditional manner since my parents are almost 40 years older than me. I was raised with the idea that if you worked hard and tried to impress her, you would get into a relationship, get married, have babies and live happily ever after. It was a bit simplistic. The first time I dated was online, which was not a good idea. I ran into a good looking girl who would use me for money. I was susceptible to it. I spent at a rate I could not afford and she was gone as soon as the money was. It fucked me up for quite a bit.
I tried to date a couple of other girls and was rejected, these experiences led me to the PUA community. Red pill didn´t exist back then. So I learned how to approach, how to be sexually aggressive, how to never show emotion, how to convert a no into a yes, how to pump and then dump.. It got me more comfortable with women, but some of the things I did on the way there were pretty disgusting. It also all felt empty. There was also quite a bit rejection if you approach non stop, which only reinforced RP beliefs.
After four years I was a paid dating coach, I had status within the PUA community, but I started to see it was a never ending story. Each new night you would go out, there was more pressure to prove yourself to other PUAs, when you didn´t want to talk to girls for a bit questions would soon arise.
I had enough and again started looking for guidance on the net. Because I had enough of relating to women this way, I went to the MGTOW community. It was a trade off. I finally had peace and didn´t perform for other PUAs anymore, but I also gave up hope of ever relating to a girl properly again.
The MGTOW community gets some hate these days (and it has changed in recent years), but some of the guys I met there really helped me and started the healing process. For five years I was on my own, hardly ever dating. I got my shit together. Fixed my medical problems, found a job, bought a house and even paid it off.
Two weeks ago I found this SubReddit and decided to put it to the test. I made an account on a datingsite and tried to be as honest and real as possible (though old habits die hard, I must admit). It seemed to work just as well as profiles I had made in the past. When I had a good convo with a girl and she decided not to respond for a bit (it really looked like intentional shit-testing), instead of being passive aggressive and letting it fall apart, I just asked if she was playing hard-to-get and told her that I don´t like to play games. I wanted to be honest, she wanted to be honest as well. Lessons learned: you can actually talk things out, you can actually show some emotion.
We are now two dates in and though it is way too early to tell, it seems effortless and real. It is good to be vulnerable again. It is good to actually feel anything again. Dating always felt like a strategizing game wherein I was faking it. It was hard work. I didn´t know there was another way to relate to women, and I want to thank you guys for making this Reddit, so that I could find out about it.
submitted by PracticalKoala
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2018.07.23 10:42 Wtchmfllapart Me [23/M] having trust issues with my [28/F] long distance girlfriend
A quick introduction, I'm a 23 years old male, currently studying and working part-time as bartender, from the Netherlands. My girlfriend is 28 years old living in Thailand working as an accountant. Throughout our relationships there have been a few issues with trust, but we managed to talk those issues out and I was finally able to trust her completely. Those past issues were mainly because of my lack in trust and perhaps my jealous personality. I am aware of the fact that I have a jealous personality and I am working on it to improve it, and I try to be rational whenever I feel jealous and act accordingly.
The past few months though have been great, all this time we were apart from eachother, sure I had feelings of jealousy but managed to deal with them in a rational way rather than confronting my girlfriend in an irrational way.
But I'm currently visiting her for two months in Thailand, I have been here for one month now and everything has been going great. But three days ago I found out she was talking with a guy that she met on the dating app ''MeetMe'', she was talking with him on ''Line'', he asked if she was single to which she replied she indeed was, their conversation ended with him asking for sex and my girlfriend refusing him saying she is not interested in a guy that is just in for sex.
After founding out about this I confronted her, I found out she has been on two dating sites while (there were a few more conversations with other guys, nothing in a sexual nature and her telling them she does have a boyfriend) being in a relationship with me. I got very upset and angry with her, and told her I was going to leave her. I was ready to leave her because I do not see any good reason for a girl who is in a relationship to be playing on several dating sites.
I packed my bag, but she insisted that I should give her a chance to explain everything to me. She told me she stopped being active on those dating sites whilst we were in a relationship but then told me she signed up for ''MeetMe'' because a friend of hers wanted to see how to be succesful on datingsites, her friend does not speak any English and this dating site is mainly for those that do. She told me that she liked to show off to her friend that she was capable of hooking up with a guy, without actually doing so and with minimum effort. While I can understand this reason for me this feels like cheating and it does raise the issue wether or not I believe her. We fought for two days basically, and she kept on crying to give her another chance that she was sorry and knows what she did was wrong, she deleted her Line application and wanted to delete her instagram and facebook account to show me that I am in the only one in her life. I never asked her to delete her accounts and to be honest I wished she didn't, but for her this was the way to show me how much she cares about me and that I am the only one. For me there is no connection between her using instagram, facebook or Line (besides the fact that all those conversations happened on Line) and cheating and there was no reason for her to delete these accounts in my opinion.
This situation for me created a big issue in trust, and I know this lack in trust will only get bigger once I'm back in the Netherlands, I'm not sure wether or not what she said is true.
I'm stuck as to what I should do, my gut tells me will never work out and that I should leave her. There are a lot more details but I do not want to make this text too long so if you have any specific questions; please ask me!
I appreciate all the advice and objective opinions I can get!
TL;DR my long distance girlfriend has been active on a dating site while we were dating, she said it was nothing serious but I'm not sure wether I believe her or not.
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2018.05.31 01:51 Tauvik Got rejected, girl wasn't ready to invest time in someone
She was in doubt, not going to invest in learning someone new, job.
Alright guys, first you need some background information. I'm on a Christian dating site (as I'm a Christian myself). I earlier said I would never do that, was wrong.. Maybe another chance to get to know the love of my life. Who knows? I'd prefer meeting someone in real life but yeah, why not trying on a Christian datingsite?
There was this cute girl so I thought why not sending a message. We had like 2 weeks of messaging back and forth, even had the balls to invite her for a drink in a place nearby. First she said she would accept the invitation so I was like: Awesome! But after a few more mails she said she was in doubt. She wasn't going to invest time (also because of her job) to get to know someone. Long story short, I felt down as I started to think about things and also about myself. Why? That's me, thinking about a lot of things. I felt down and rejected (while she didn't even had a 'complete view' of me, only through the mails and a phone call).
But yeah guys (and female Fapstronauts), the search for love continues. Felt down for an afternoon but there's one thing I didn't (and won't) do. Get back to my computer and start watching something I shouldn't. No way! Don't go back to your computer, the search and your life moves on. Don't hesitate but follow that path of NoFap!
One day, someone is going to hug you so tight that all of your broken pieces will stick back together!
Stay strong fellow Fapstronauts! It's great to have a community like this standing behind your back wispering courage when you see a girl and holding you back when you're about to cross the line. Thanks!
TL;DR: Invited someone through datingsite for a date, she accepted but was in doubt later. Felt down first but went on with NoFap!
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2018.03.08 23:33 Tauvik Goodbye day 36, frustrated & benefits
Hi fellow Fapstronauts,
After 36 days I've got to reset the counter again.. Feels like I failed again (yeah, I was peeking and it went wrong). I know I shouldn't do but yeah, sometimes a man makes stupid choices.. Altough this streak the best lately compared to the 1 week/2 week streaks.. Feeling a little bit down at the moment, I know I should keep on going, sadly enough not the way I'm feeling at the moment.
Lately I had send 2 mails to different girls on a datingsite (christian dating site, although I hope to meet someone in real life instead). You know what, the first one sends she thinks it isn't going to work and the second one doesn't even react. Not a single 'thank you' (no pun intended). Seriously, my faith in girls is a bit gone. And why does it always have to be the man who makes the first move, the society is f*cked up.. And at the age of 28 I'm thinking to myself, will I ever have a girlfriend?
Time for a positive ending, what did I learn from NoFap?
- Faster reaction speed
- Stares, it's true the woman are watching, kinda obvious. Some randomly start to smile while watching, just smiling back :D
- Lower voice
- Vivid dreams
- Faster beard growth (need to shave more, don’t know if it’s NoFap or not)
Seriously want to get back at this level but it takes time. Thanks for reading, don't peek because it can (and mostly will) go wrong.. Stay strong brothers!
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2017.09.13 22:18 throwaway_qwerty1978 Casual encounter with respect
I'm a single travelling a lot for work, really a lot. Needless to say I'm also a healthy man who likes sex. It's impossible for me to go to pubs to find nice ladies, datingsite is impossible as I usually only stay couple of days max in a location.
Are there any websites for casual encounters, no strings attached so purely with like-minded people. With respect for each other. I know there are a lot of sites but most of them have fake profiles. Tinder is good but usually does not result in quick sex adventure (it's possible certainly but also quite time consuming).
If you have something, let me know please.
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2017.09.05 23:14 causeWhyNotMate [email protected]
: Being happy without a SO https://www.reddit.com/ForeverAlone/comments/6y8ta1/being_happy_without_a_so/
I have been single for a year. Last serious relationship has been three years ago. Had some dates. I don't meet a lot of women because of my work. And I have friends. But not the going to clubs and bars type.
Datingsites are pretty useless. Two thirds are male. And you have to score high on pictures and bio. I don't, I am much better in person.
I think I am a fun guy and a loyal friend and a seven out of ten with looks.
So I have no clue how to get a SO. I talk to women when I pick up grosseries that kind of stuff. And once or twice a year I go to a party or out. Sometimes I get a number.
Every time dating someone fails I feel bad. It shakes me up. And I figured it is unhealthy to chase something that may never happen.
So I wanted to learn to be happy alone. Not just untill another relationship. But being content with this never happening. I just wanted to vent this.
Any advice or thoughts?
Edit: Sorry if I am not alone enough. I understand there are people worse of than me. But I really have a hard time dealing with lonelyness. https://redd.it/6y8ta1 Comment link: /ForeverAlone/comments/6y8ta1/being_happy_without_a_so/dmly1zg
I stopped reading there.
- cadude1: > I have been single for a year.
- weallwantsomethink: Why?
- causeWhyNotMate: why not, mate?
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2016.12.20 04:35 Alex93UK Trichotillomania/depression/anxiety/stress And i kinda need a girl...
Hi, i have had this disorder since i was 11 years old. i always where a cap to hide it. its triggered when i overthink and stressed, usually.
Anyway, im struggling with depression, stress and anxiety, and i really feel that pulling my hair out, prevents me for doing the things i like. I have searched the internet for datingsite, or a network with people with this disorder or anything else, without luck.
My question is - how to find a girl? im really stressed out about it. its like everytime i think about it, i pull my hair out. and there is no way to cover these giant bold spots away. do you people have any experience with this? please help me.
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2016.05.03 04:05 illuminatiisnowhere [Hiring](Online) Backend dev. for datingsite. laravel.
Hi We are looking for a really sharp developer to take over the backend work on our datingsite. Sorry to say its not fulltime, but rather a day or two here and there.
There are minor frontend things to be done, like adding information from the backend, but no design work cus we have a frontend designer for that.
I listed what you need to know to work on the site.
If you are interested just pm me your portfolio and day rate.
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2015.12.30 16:29 anonthrowaway1993 Me [22 M] with my Girlfriend [19 F] of a few months, she's in love with her ex
I met my girlfriend on a datingsite. Even though we live in completely different countries, by a stroke of luck she would be visiting mine really soon! We met up, as we had been talking every day, and we spent a few amazing days at a hotel and sightseeing in my country. We immediately make plans for me to stay at hers over the holidays.
Because of that irish airline being what it is, and me booking relatively late, I needed to change the shedule a bit, and I end up staying there for almost 3 weeks instead of around 2. She was fine with this, and we were both very excited at this prospect. We had begun fantasising about plans after that, even. Maybe she'd come to study around my area next summer. There was even talk of renting something together if things worked out.
Things have not worked out. While the date of me leaving came closer, we weren't skyping daily anymore, in fact the day I got on the flight we hadn't called in over a week. Ofcourse we had chatted everyday. She wasn't feeling great because of an illness, so I figured that was the reason for not wanting to call.
When I arrived here everything seemed great, though a bit awkward. No worries, I figured, we hadn't seen each other in a bit. This should go over soon. The first night we had sex, she ended up crying. She told me I shouldn't worry about it. I figured she was just emotional.
The third or fourth day of my stay, things had taken a turn and I noticed her being quite distant. She ended up confessing her conflicted feelings. It was very hard for me to hear about how she wasn't over her ex from last year, how she still wanted to be with him even though he did some terrible things to her and then left. She said she loves me, but probably him more. She was getting stressed because of the plans we had made. She felt like she was running away from her situation here when she made them.
It was a very emotional night for me.
I've been here just over two weeks now, we've gotten even more distant, even though I've tried bridging the gap. We haven't gone out much together so there's not much to talk about. I haven't even seen her yet today, even though we're in the same house. We still seem to get along, we've had discussions about our shared interests, watched movies etc, but whenever I try to touch her it's all ruined.
Needless to say, it hasn't been the greatest holidays for me, and I've got just under a week here left. While I still want us to get better, the last few days I've pretty much lost hope. It's been a depressing week or so.
I don't really have a question to ask, but if anyone has some input on my situation, it's greatly appreciated.
tl;dr: Beware of the blindfolds of the "honeymoon" feeling. Don't move too fast.
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2014.07.27 00:20 Bolt_Lightning A downside to online dating. (at least in my experience).
Perverts and douchebags ruin online dating, not just for women, but for men also.
Because of the sheer volume of (indecent) messages they send to women, which the woman can't or won't all reply to, the messages from nice men, like myself, seem to get ignored too. The datingsite I'm active on has a fairly simple "no interest" button to reply to messages. Click on it and I will get a short message in reply to mine that she is not interested in me. But 90% of the women out there don't even send that. And that sucks. Because then I would at least know she's not interested.
Now I hear nothing, keep checking in everyday, hopeful that there might be a message, but nothing. The hope dwindles every passing day, till there's just frustration left. It has gotten to the point where I don't even want to send messages anymore. I always thought online dating should be exciting and fun, but instead it sucks the joy out of the experience and I only keep checking back because I'm too damn stubborn to lose my last bit of hope of finding a SO. But it's getting harder each day...
So ladies who read this, if a man takes the time to write a nice message on a datingsite and you are not interested. Please let him know. Men have feelings too, it hurts to get your hopes crushed time after time.
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2013.09.17 11:10 Vigilantperson How to protect yourself against online blackmailing and stopping the culprits from making even more victims.
I think that this reddit could use this type of post. Imagine yourself to be experimenting with your sexuality and your tool of choice? An online chat, social media or maybe datingsites. You get in a conversation with someone who on first glance has mutual interest in showing themselves naked and/or performing sexual acts together in front of the webcam. However, things soon turn for the worse when you find out that you have been filmed through your webcam and the person on the other side is now demanding outrageous tasks or money from you within a certain deadline. You are instructed to not call the police. What can you do when you find yourself in a blackmailing situation involving chats?
It is important to stay calm and not lose your mind just yet. You might be more powerfull against these people than you might possibly imagine. Here are things you can do to stop these people for good:
Things you should not do:
- Turn off the webcam and unplug any recording hardware. You might still be watched or followed and should prevent the person on the other side from knowing what you are doing. In case you are threatened not to do so you should attempt to contact other people closeby with the computer or you hide your turned on cellphone underneath your desk.
- Start command prompt. Some of you might know this program, but for those who don't it can be found by typing the name in the start window. Now in the program you should type the following: "netstat -n" This command displays what connections you have and helps you to find the location of the chat. Close down anything but the chat and type this command. Write down whatever shows up in a notepad and save the thing. This is usefull information. More information about the netstat command can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Netstat Also keep track of the online name and means of communication you are using. Get to know as much about your situation as possible.
- (Let someone) Contact your bank in case the demand is money and inform them you are being blackmailed. To get money the culprit needs to send you bank information and this can be used. You gain time because the bank can reverse the transaction and help any investigation against the anonymous person.
- In case the police hasn't been contacted yet, now is the time. Inform them with as much information as possible and make sure they know what type of help you require. If they claim that they cannot help you you should attempt another department until you get help from investigating experts.
Don't threaten or insult the blackmailer and avoid any exchange of information that makes you more vulnerable. You might make the culprit more dangerous, they might involve more people, they manage to get away, slow down any investigation against them or you might get sued instead. If your cellphone is used against you:
There is a programm called TULP2G that can read and decode data from a cellphone with your computer. More information about it can be found on this site: http://www2.opensourceforensics.org/node/24 How to build a safer space to perform sexually in front of the computer:
It is a good idea to patiently build conversations into a trustworthy relationship before engaging into actions that require it. Check whether the person would take the same risks as yourself. Start with videoless skype(or other tool) sessions and keep the webcam unplugged or mechanically turned off during those times. Some programms can break into your webcam and turn it on even when you have deactivated it through software. Don't engage in sexual activities of any kind before having a casual chat with the face of the other person visible. Because you are both vulnerable the risk will be much higher to betray each others trust. This will not ultimately stop the other party, but it will reduce the risk for your side.
Don't disclose private information on the computer be it in the form of voice chat or text. Any sensitive information (email accounts that can be linked to your private life, phone numbers, social security numbers, your real name, age, location etc.) makes you more vulnerable. Don't be recognizable when naked or masturbating with your face visible. Any jewelry, tattoo, piercings or wounds can be used to identify you should stay out of vision as well. Or is should stay out of vision in your private life. Safe your face for your private life. Lastly:
Source: One of my subjects is called digital forensics and focuses on tracking down any form of criminal activity in front of the computer. Sadly I am no true expert and would require training, but the basics are very usefull for any starter.
I'd appreciate any feedback on how usefull this information is and any additional usefull tools or information is welcome as well. Extra thanks to:
ilaughatkarma EDIT: As I get more corrections and information I will adjust the content of the post. I will not allways be online nor adjust the contents forever.
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2013.02.26 11:36 Stupidwesterner Time to lighten my heart (throwaway)
(long text to follow)
I am a westerner (male) that have spent some time in PH. I love it here and everyone is really helpful. Reason for the throwaya is the things that i need to get off my chest. Things i may not be proud of.
Where i come from girls always looked the other way, since i was "one of many other white males and well you don´t appeal to me.
So naturally my selfconfidence went down to gutter-level.
When i arrived here i started to notice that girls looked at me, and actually smiled.
Again. Yes. Westerner (and here comes the prejudice-part i´m not proud to bring up) "White people are rich, and if i can get him i am financially secured for life"
I am not rich. I am white. I am almost turning 40 and for me getting girls in their mid 20´s feels odd.
Yes i have been to the red light districts. And yes i have taken girls home. Cardinal rule number one: Never take them home, never call them. Or so i have been told.
I have just recently made it clear to this girl that what i want is a "girl with benefits" and nothing serious.
She told me good luck and we ended it there.
I have a really great maid that come and clean my place now and then. I find her pretty and there we go again. From being professional i now unintentionally show interest. I am trying to be friendly, saying that she is looking good and should have no problems finding a suitor.
Now i think she think i mean her.
And i have been in this mess before. I simply cannot learn.
When the SML goes in, the horns come out.
I am not proud of my actions and i want to prove that i am not one of those creepy Westerners that come here and mistreat people.
I feel i lead my maid on making her think i want her.
Just recently i started to chat with a girl on a datingsite, and even though we have never met, i think this is my way of doing it.
From a simple "hello" we chatted for three hours straight and it felt like time just flew.
She seem smart, financially stable, we share the same interests and have equally goofy taste in humor.
I really need to shape up and stop flirting with bar-girls, maids etc etc.
I am not saying i want to get married. I just need to stop doing what i am doing.
TL:DR I´m a textbook westerner-idiot that cannot keep his thing in his pants and i want to change.
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2012.08.27 03:43 eva88 Dating(site) rant!
Ugh... Okay here we go...
So, 24 female and dating. I'm not 100% sure about being childfree in the future, because I'm still quite young and still in college, 'never say never', but obviously I'm not subscribed to childfree
without a reason... The subject of children usually doesn't really come up very early in the dating process at my age. But sometimes some people are so outspoken about wanting children that I break things off, even though I'm not 100% sure, but sure enough to not want to ruin someone's future who wants them monsters so bad.
Anyway... Storytime! Not really anything new here, so skip reading if you don't want to hear the same breeder-arguments again :)
Very flattering e-mail from datingsite-guy, some (translated) excerpts:
I really liked reading your profile. You look like the ideal girlfriend! [some info on work and hobbies, all cool] and I also have a big wish for children. Hope to hear from you soon!
So not a wish... but a BIG wish... Nah-ah, I ain't gettin' into this mess!
Thank you for your flattering e-mail! But I am concerned with one big thing. I do not wish to have children. And because you think about that so much differently I don't think it would be wise to get to know each other better.
Well that's a bit blunt.. You just don't want me.. Using that as an excuse is just weak. Because we have so much else in common. But it says more about you than about me.
Why the ** would I make up something like this as an excuse not to date someone? Oh well of course, I forgot a woman can't possibly want to be childfree. So it must be an excuse!
You are easily stepped on your toes.. (is this a saying in english too? easily offended.) I don't want children, you want them really bad. That seems to me like a big deal.
People change their minds constantly, maybe one of us would in the future. I don't like to be rejected on a point like this, you could have at least gotten to know me better.
Ugh, maybe one of us would in the future? You mean me. Just say so. Now I'm getting pissed.
This is not about what tv-show we want to watch together. We are talking about children. Money wasting, crying, smelly, annoying children. I take your wish about them seriously, please do me the same courtesy.
Now it gets good.
Do you ever think about what would've happened if your parents thought the same? Or the parents of every big name in the history of mankind? It's quite selfish, and I'm financially stable. I'm going to college next year, and I'll become a lawyer. But if you don't want.. Too bad.
Aaaaand... it's ON! ghehe
For someone who wants to become a lawyer you should learn how to argue better. To continue your line of thought: What were the parents of addicts and mass murderers thinking? And for a decent argument: Some people want children, some don't. And since more than enough people do, the earth will stay over populated for some time, don't worry. Gives childfree people the chance to develop themselves in other areas of life.
You're missing the point. We're not talking about other people's children, but about your own. Who will take care of you when you're old? Do you want to end up alone and lonely? Leave this world without any legacy?
Oh this one's easy.
No, you are missing the point that not every woman is a breeding chicken. (this sounds better in Dutch, I promise) When I'm old I'll be hanging out at the retirement club drinking whiskey. That's what I pay my insurance company for. I'm good at making friends, so I don't think I'll end up lonely. And for that matter I wouldn't want to burden children with my care or recreation. I couldn't care less about my legacy, and even then I'm leaving the world enough as it is.
You almost turn me on with your debating skills! (wait.. wut?) If you love your children, they will take care of you later on in life. If we had a child we would combine the best of ourselves into one. And that would be the best gift we could give each other.
Okay at this point I can't take this seriously anymore.. So..
I'd rather get an iPad for my birthday. Good night!
I hope this amused you ;) As I'm typing it up it amuses me, but when I was in the conversation I was really surprised that I encountered this for the first time. It feels bad not to be taken seriously.
Another small story about some dates I had in real life with this guy.. He would not take me seriously about not wanting kids, I told him all my arguments but he waved them aside like they were foolish. The sad part was that when I asked him about his arguments, they were... Disgusting. His answer?
I want two kids, a boy and a girl. And I'll teach them everything about culture and history, really raise them good. Then I can take them to concerts and museums, they'll be just like me! And they'll play hockey like me. It will be sooooo good!
Say what?! You don't want kids, you want a little clone of yourself! (He was an egocentric little bitch) What if you son was gay, or like metal music? "No no no, no kid of mine would be gay"
Holy spaghetti monster. Why can people with a wish for children get away with these lousy arguments, and we have to defend ourselves every time we mention wanting to stay childfree?
Well it was fun ranting :D Thanks for listening if you got to the end ;) Please rant on in the comments!
EDIT: First guy =/= Second guy! (my bad, trying to type English like I hear americans talk on tv ;) ) Did not date e-mail guy, because of uteral reasons.
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2010.11.29 03:42 rosewill0 Childfree Online Dating
I just searched for "childfree dating" and didn't come across any relevant links but if I'm wrong then sorry for duping or posting in the wrong section. I'd just like to plug a site that I visit and use but in no way profit from. I have no connection to it rather than the fact that I'm one of the users of the site. It is an online dating site for people who have chosen to be child free and who are actively seeking out mates that share this sentiment.
The problem is that the site has limited visibility and we need more people on there. It is a free site so no worries about paying to make contacts. The owner of this site does this pro bono and is not a tech guy so please be nice regarding the site's look and features. If you have chosen to be child free and see it as a deal makebreaker, but find that it is exceedingly difficult to find mates that either share this sentiment or are equally resolute in developing a child free life, please help populate and grow this very needed site. Thank you in advance.
The site: I Do NOT Want Kids!
EDIT: xpost from onlinedating subreddit
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